there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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