Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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