who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
