Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
