i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
