there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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