Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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