Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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