How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
