my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
