real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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