New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
