the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
