This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
