Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
