dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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