He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
