Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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