You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
