goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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