I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize