great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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