we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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