dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
