You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
