Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
