Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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