bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
