Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I supernannyed him into submission
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
