the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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