He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
