He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
