if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
