if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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