I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
