Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
