I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
