Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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