I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This toilet bowl is my home.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
