i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize