Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
