he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
