ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry my hands just texted you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
