Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
