forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
