hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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