he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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