direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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