This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
wow bdsm is so cute
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
