mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
