i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
