I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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