is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
