When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize