Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
