Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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