FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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