i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
