I am puke
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize