well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
