I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
