She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
