There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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