Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
