Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
