Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
