I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
