I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
