Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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