i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
