Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
