I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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