Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize