I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
