If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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