You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
