i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
