oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize