I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize