I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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