i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize