3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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