i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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