He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My penis needs a shock collar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
