i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
