we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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