No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
