Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
