the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
