I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
