if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
