why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
