It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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