whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
